I'm sure any of you who peruse Facebook, as I do, must agree that too many people post sayings and witticisms, many which are funny, more are lame and a few are impacting, only rarely crediting the author. I would prefer new stuff, lame or not, written by the person posting. Too much crap, not enough intelligent content. I rarely weigh in on anything I read on FB, especially here, on my blog, but I recently caught sight of the following cyberpost and felt it necessary to dissect it and give my take on its message. Here is what I read:
There comes a point in life when fun no longer means clubbing, drinking, being out til 4am, or thinking about yourself first. Fun means Disney movies, family dinners, bedtime stories, long cuddles, a messy house, sleeping by 10pm and hearing little voices say "I love you". Becoming a parent doesn't change you, it makes you realize that the little people you created deserve the very best of your time.
When I first read this, I failed to grasp the real message contained within the sweet, syrupy delivery. Before I explain my view, those of you who only know me through my blog must know I've been married, madly in love every day going on 34 years. I have three grown children, ages almost 28, 30 and 32. All of them are creative and successful. They are compassionate and intelligent. We love them. They love us. This is a fact. We had kids early. Amy was 21, same as me, when our first was born. We were young, naive and innocent parents. We raised our kids on instinct and with youthful exuberance. Thirty two years ago, if our child had a fever, we ran cool water in the bath and brought it down. We didn't call the doctor unless the problem was more serious- the first call would be to our moms.
Back to the verse (of sorts) above. Let's look at it in parts. We cavorted until all hours when we were dating and when we married. True, I drank socially, at times too much- Amy was always conservative, but she partied with the rest of us. We had a social life, in 1976, 1977, 1978. When Sarah was born, of course, life changed. We had a new responsibility. We obviously got out less. We did not, however, cross our social life off our lists and while it was more difficult to go out together, we managed to do so when grandma would babysit. There is no magical transformation when kids come into your lives. Anybody who has little kids knows that while you may not be out "clubbing" (a term obviously chosen by someone who never resorted to such sordid behaviour) til 4am, you never found yourself sleeping by 10pm unless you were napping between stints of feeding, rocking and diaper duty. I guarantee Amy and I saw many more 4ams after our kids were born than while hanging out in late night bars as newlyweds.
Fun does not transform out of necessity. It is, in my opinion, foolish to replace one happiness with another. Anybody who tells me that they love the movie "Aladdin" as much as they loved "The Usual Suspects" is deluding himself and insulting my intelligence. Our kids are an addition to the family. They rely on their parents for everything, but they do not dictate every action in our lives. When Sarah was very young, she was our mobile child. She was toted to friends' gatherings on a regular basis. It was never too hot or too cold to strip her down or bundle her up and head outdoors. While Disney and family dinners and cuddles and tuck ins occurred with all of our kids, we never eliminated much in our lives. We always kept our perspectives in place. You see, my love for Amy, and hers for me had to be obvious to our kids. Our dedication to friends, family, to each other, our need to be alone together, to do adult things, to have connections unrelated to our children all played a part in their mental health and development. After all, our kids would (and did) leave the nest, but it would not be empty because we had invited them into our lives and helped them grow up, never their servants, allowing them to enrich our lives, not take them over. Don't give up adult things and dumb down to a child's world, allow time and experiences for yourselves, otherwise, when the kids are gone, so is the life you once had.
I am really sorry to post this- or am I? Kids live with their parents less than half of their married life- I figure they are little joyful backpacks we carry around for a while, cutting them loose when they grow up. A burden, yes, but one (or 2, or 3, or 4), well worth carrying.
There comes a point in life when fun no longer means clubbing, drinking, being out til 4am, or thinking about yourself first. Fun means Disney movies, family dinners, bedtime stories, long cuddles, a messy house, sleeping by 10pm and hearing little voices say "I love you". Becoming a parent doesn't change you, it makes you realize that the little people you created deserve the very best of your time.
Back to the verse (of sorts) above. Let's look at it in parts. We cavorted until all hours when we were dating and when we married. True, I drank socially, at times too much- Amy was always conservative, but she partied with the rest of us. We had a social life, in 1976, 1977, 1978. When Sarah was born, of course, life changed. We had a new responsibility. We obviously got out less. We did not, however, cross our social life off our lists and while it was more difficult to go out together, we managed to do so when grandma would babysit. There is no magical transformation when kids come into your lives. Anybody who has little kids knows that while you may not be out "clubbing" (a term obviously chosen by someone who never resorted to such sordid behaviour) til 4am, you never found yourself sleeping by 10pm unless you were napping between stints of feeding, rocking and diaper duty. I guarantee Amy and I saw many more 4ams after our kids were born than while hanging out in late night bars as newlyweds.
Fun does not transform out of necessity. It is, in my opinion, foolish to replace one happiness with another. Anybody who tells me that they love the movie "Aladdin" as much as they loved "The Usual Suspects" is deluding himself and insulting my intelligence. Our kids are an addition to the family. They rely on their parents for everything, but they do not dictate every action in our lives. When Sarah was very young, she was our mobile child. She was toted to friends' gatherings on a regular basis. It was never too hot or too cold to strip her down or bundle her up and head outdoors. While Disney and family dinners and cuddles and tuck ins occurred with all of our kids, we never eliminated much in our lives. We always kept our perspectives in place. You see, my love for Amy, and hers for me had to be obvious to our kids. Our dedication to friends, family, to each other, our need to be alone together, to do adult things, to have connections unrelated to our children all played a part in their mental health and development. After all, our kids would (and did) leave the nest, but it would not be empty because we had invited them into our lives and helped them grow up, never their servants, allowing them to enrich our lives, not take them over. Don't give up adult things and dumb down to a child's world, allow time and experiences for yourselves, otherwise, when the kids are gone, so is the life you once had.
I am really sorry to post this- or am I? Kids live with their parents less than half of their married life- I figure they are little joyful backpacks we carry around for a while, cutting them loose when they grow up. A burden, yes, but one (or 2, or 3, or 4), well worth carrying.
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ReplyDeleteI liked this post so much I had to forward it on to my parents. Your message has such perfect timing as we head into the holiday and think of all that we are thankful for!
ReplyDeleteI lately have grown to 'know' my children much better than before,why did I wait? They are 'us'.
ReplyDelete