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Thursday, August 17, 2017

Deja vu

Here I go again.

Although this post may be a repeat in some ways I think to UNbrainwash people there needs to be repetition~ this coming from a certified hypnotist.

Remember-YOU are responsible for YOUR health.

If you have a serious health issue and you are told repeatedly by the medical world that THEY have no answers for you, that the situation is hopeless and there is NO help for you and you should get your affairs in order because you are not long for this planet or that your life will always include pain and suffering or that the ONLY choice for healing MUST be pharmaceutical~ STOP.  STOP right there and realize what they are REALLY telling you.

They are saying THEY- standard western medical understanding, has no answer. That does not mean- there is no other answer.  It means there is no PILL they can give you to improve your health- and that even if there is, the side effects may be worse than the disease.

To become healthy again you may need to consider that you may have to begin living an EXTREMELY HEALTHY life, mentally, physically and emotionally. It seems too basic to actually be taken as a serious solution to serious health issues so many say to me.  Once you experience a positive change and then begin to do the research on WHY it's working it begins to seem more common sense instead of a ridiculous whim.  To heal you have to give your mind, body and spirit as much GOOD and eliminate the things that stress your mind and body that put it in Fight and Flight Mode.

What prompted this post is my trip back home and a meeting with yet another person who echoed so much of Tracy's and my journey through the medical world.  

On my trip home from Illinois I was lucky enough to get invited to a party where I met a wonderful young woman who openly shared her health (or lack there of) journey, that has been a very long 8+ years.  As she described her diagnosis and misdiagnosis, the discouragement, misinformation, poisoning of her mind, spirit and body, she used the EXACT same words that were given to us throughout our journey.  She was told she would die and there was NO HOPE for healing.  At that point she left the hospital against their advice, to make use of the little time, painful as it was, she was told she had left.

She began her journey on her own, into health and understanding, experimenting and learning as she went.  Now 8 years later she is still here.  She has improved her health in ways that baffle the doctors.  It wasn't a magic pill or miracle cure.  She did things that IMPROVED HER QUALITY OF LIFE which has lengthened her life. This idea is SO SO important! 

If you believe there is no hope then you don't even try to heal. If you don't try, you have no chance of improving.  It's a self fulfilling prophecy to tell people they are in denial and delusional for even considering focusing on health and healing instead of dying.  That negative diagnosis is a SOURCE of the fatality they predict. 
What would the numbers be if people were told- let's work towards the healthiest, happiest life you can imagine, no matter how long you believe that life will be, and just see what happens?

One of my goals for this trip back home, was to get a fresh start, let go of the past, get a new focus, move forward, reconnect with my passions and friends....but again- here I am, presented with another story so similar to ours that I just can't ignore the message. I just seem to keep getting pulled back into this subject of the fleecing of America when it comes to Health. 

Drugs do NOT create health.  Drugs KILL off BAD things (that many many times save our lives), or trick the mind or body into changing it's direction of action (which is absolutely necessary for many illnesses).  But Drugs don't HEAL.  Your Body HEALS itself given the proper resources.
I was told by our pain specialist doctor (who ONLY prescribed drugs to deal with pain) that ALL DRUGS are bad for the body because they are not natural to the body. That is the definition of a drug.

If you want to be healthy you need to understand what creates health.  That can be different for each person.  Letting go of toxic ideas, relationships and yes, foods- make for a happier healthier life whether you live for an extra day, week or years.  Adding mega nutrition adds strength to continue your journey and help switch off the flight and flight response that allows you to begin the healing process instead of being stuck in survival mode.

You think having ALS is the worst thing in the world that can happen to you.  Let me tell you for a fact- having high blood pressure, constipation, muscle spasms, diabetes on TOP of ALS is worse and we healed ALL of those things with diet, nutrition and stress management. 

SHARE this message with those in need. Give them HOPE.  There is no such thing as False Hope.  

Friday, April 21, 2017

It's happening

As you have noticed I haven't written from Tracy's Blog in quite a while.
The truth is - I was tired of hearing myself whine and I was pretty sure you were too.

I have big plans to list every positive person, helpful piece of equipment, recipe and doctor that helped us on our journey 
but- getting a life, that does not include Tracy,  has turned out to be much more time consuming and complicated than just living without the one you love.
I'm often embarrassed at my lack of intestinal fortitude when it comes to following through with writing a book or meeting with doctors.
It's a constant tight rope act for me to continue to keep one foot in the real world and one in the world I want to create.

So when I got this wonderful news I couldn't wait to get on here and share it.

I just heard the day before yesterday from Linda Paulhus who is starting a medical center to help those with ALS.  She is working on getting funding.  She knows the ALS journey and she also knows the TRUTH- that people CAN be helped.  It ISN'T a hopeless forgone conclusion that diagnosis means death.

Then I just heard tonight from Tish, the head of organization, that they have received a promise of donation to fund the cost of completing the Documentary highlighting over 20 people that have been diagnosed with ALS that have slowed or stopped progression or even reversed their symptoms.

Those interviewed in this film are living breathing humans that were given the SAME death sentence as ALL those with ALS.  They refused to give up before they even tried to heal. Then the continued to NOT give up.  Now they are telling OTHERS - Do NOT give up!!!  And what they did to overcome their ALS Death sentence.  They were surprised to find others who had healed using nearly the SAME methods.

So, I have real joy in my heart knowing that the TRUTH is going to get out soon.
The book is almost completed.  They have webinars that they will share the information they have gathered.  They have a conference called where they discuss actual HEALTH ideas that anyone is allowed to participate in.  They have short interview that will be on You Tube.
Several of these ALS warriors have already written books of their own.

Together we will unite to make a statement that CAN NOT be ignored.  No more doctors nonchalantly spouting that there is NO PROOF.  No more half truths and misguided misinformation.
The truth is coming....
I wonder how it will change the lives of those without ALS.  Those who will realize that those of us in the trenches aren't making up wishful fairy tales or in denial or trying to scam people as I was told so often.  

The world is about to become a much better place thanks to a handful of people who WOULD NOT GIVE UP.

How do I know all this?
Because these people took the time to CALL ME more than a year AFTER the death of my husband.  They weren't looking to GET anything FROM me.  They knew I would be happy and so she called to share her joy with me out of the kindness of her heart.
The people who are changing the world in this amazing way have done so out of their OWN POCKETS.  They have taken their OWN TIME to make this miracle.

My thanks to my relentless heroes.
Donate now.
The money will go to helping share the TRUTH.

Friday, March 24, 2017

The Basics

Basics in health that effect EVERY ASPECT of the Quality of your Life-
The breath.
Clean water.
Mental/emotional/spiritual peace.

It's a very confusing time for me.
I see others on my same journey and timeline seeming to do well and move forward.
I am moving, one foot in front of the other.  No idea what direction.

In the past I had absolutely no care what direction I was going because I followed whatever wonderful, beautiful shiny thing that was presented to me at that moment.  I had the freedom to do that thanks to my husband and family and friends.

Now I feel a great responsibility to make a decision (or many).  To choose a path.
I'm told or at least impressed by others with the idea that in order to move forward you have to let go of the past.  Not forget it, but release it, let go of some of the weight that holds me in place.
When I am stronger I can go back and pick it back up if I choose.  Seems logical.  I make that attempt.  It takes me many many tries.  I see no failure until I give up and I'm not good at that either.

Being throw into the shocking cold pool of "unsolvable health issues", weighted down by negativity and hopelessness that is heaped upon us at every turn from the first words of diagnosis to the last breath, I learned so much.  

I learned that because 1 or 2 or 10 people or even 100 people say something is unsolvable does not mean it is unsolvable.  It means THEY don't know how to solve that problem.  It means THEY haven't continued to search for the answers. They have given up and accepted the answers that were handed to them probably by someone else who got them from someone else who read it in a journal written by someone else.  Someone we don't know. Someone whose motivations might possibly founded on and education tainted by funding to look in ONE direction.

Are these researchers good hearted, honest, intelligent, well meaning people.  Most likely.
In the beginning I trusted all of those people and their opinions to be much more sound and important than mine. But what I found out by experience is that when what they said made absolutely NO SENSE TO ME I assumed I just couldn't conceive of their brilliance in progressive medical technology so I did MY research.  As I began to put pieces together I knew less and less because more and more things made NO SENSE to me.  UNTIL.... I found people like me.  People who went out on their own to figure things out because we couldn't understand what we were being told.
What we ALL have in common is the understanding that WE are RESPONSIBLE for OUR own HEALTH.  But what does THAT mean?

It means our health is as unique as our fingerprints and children. There are some basics that apply to everyone. Beyond that it is up to US to test everything on and for ourselves. Anyone telling you they have a one pill fits all clearly has NO IDEA about HEALTH. They know about THAT pill.
Because they don't have a PILL to fix you does not mean there aren't things that can help you.

Did I say CURE you?  NO.  I did not.  You can NOT CURE life.  Life is terminal.  You are born knowing you are going to DIE of it.  Do we CHOOSE to look at life that way?  Not most people. There are some who do and doctors give them Drugs to solve that problem (called depression, anxiety, phobias....).  But most people spout positive affirmations and say live life to the fullest!  NOW is the time!  Enjoy what you've got before it's gone!!  

With that in mind- I was told over and over again about my insanity and denial in working to improve Tracy's health in ANY way.  The mantra- that's NOT going to CURE him as they rolled their eyes at me plays over and over in my memory of the past 5 years.  Even tho I have pictures, phone numbers, emails and memories of people who I now consider friends- who did EXACTLY THAT.

But instead of fighting that brick wall for now I want to say to anyone who is fighting a chronic health issue- no matter what the diagnosis- step back for a minute.  Leave the circle of thinking that spirals you down to your certain doom.

Every day is a day.  A day with ALS or any other chronic disease SUCKS.  PollyAmy can say make the best of it. But to me what that actually means is - a day with ALS AND diabetes and leg cramps and high blood pressure and constipation and and and is WORSE.  Healthy athletes who have these symptoms DO something about them.  They don't say oh well- some day I am gonna die.

ANY issue you can heal makes the rest of your system stronger is a GOOD idea.  It adds to the quality of your life- which is the # 1 cause of death among ALS and other diseases.

ALL we have is the QUALITY of Life.  

If doctors say there are NO answers then WHY do we continue to listen to them tell us there are NO answers when are searching for them?  It makes no sense does it?
If a guy told you he can not fix your car because he works on boats and they have motors too would you throw your car away?  And yet we throw our lives away on their attitudes, opinions and advice.

Basics in health that effect EVERY ASPECT of the Quality of your Life-
The breath.
Clean water.
Mental/emotional/spiritual peace.

Saturday, February 25, 2017

More Proof

 This is yet ANOTHER ALSer who chose to fight instead of go home and die as she was told.
She has already had 3 EXTRA years of life according to what doctors told her because She CHOSE to at least TRY to heal.  That is called LIVING each day instead of Dying each day as was beaten into us over and over again at ALS clinic. This is where we were encouraged to go so they can check off little boxes showing you how fast you should be dying while staring at a room full of miserable people in worse shape than you so you could SEE your future. AKA Hell.
For the record Tracy was bitten by 2 infected ticks that carried Lyme Disease and was treated immediately upon showing the bruised target typical of Lyme Disease many years ago.  Doctors REFUSED to believe it was Lyme  because we lived in Illinois and they didn't believe there were infected ticks there.  Tracy INSISTED the doctor go get a medical journal as we had visited Arkansas and DID pick ticks daily while there.   Tracy was right.  What are the chances it played no part in ALS? Doctors will tell you the two are unrelated and there is no proof.  Those who have HEALED their ALS symptoms will insist otherwise.

Here is what she said-------

Well, today marks the Four Year Anniversary of my "death". Four years ago today, about this time, some ill-informed doctor told me to get my affairs in order because I had fast progressing ALS and would be dead within a year. I went home, spent two months sad and depressed, then got mad and started researching my disease and came across, a guy who cured himself of ALS. Got madder still at the allopathic world and decided I was going to fight this disease and stopped the progression at the tops of my legs for three years with massive amounts of supplements. This past year I lost my torso and am losing my arms, hands, and my breathing has started to decline due to not treating it as aggressively. I am severely malnourished due to malabsorption of nutrients and no doctor will even look at my tests, much less treat me for it. I speak slower now. So I decided to test for heavy metals finally and those tests are enroute to my house right now. I recently started GcMAF and cell membrane rebuilders and a strong probiotic. I'm very tired of fighting and really want to go home now, but I'm not giving up. I still FULLY believe that ALS is curable AND reversible if you can find out what is wrong and treat it in a timely, efficient manner. My ALS Naturally group has several members getting better and is over 1700 members strong. Word is getting out, hope is getting out, people are demanding treatment instead of being sent home to die. More and more are finding Lyme Disease upon independent lab testing outside of normal hospital lab testing. My hope lies solely in the will of God for me. I look forward to the impending Rapture of the Church. God willing, I will be here for it.

Strange things Brewing

You would think after more than a year of "moving on" I would be about moved on by now, but it seems the Universe has other plans for me.

Every time I choose to let go of the past to focus on the future there is this rush of coincidences involving health issues, medical questions, friends of friends in need, new ALSers, MSers, and all the rest of the alpabet- sers, who for some reason, contact me all at the same time, to get advice or equipment or ask for help in some way.

I have made myself ridiculously busy at work, that I absolutely LOVE, in hopes I can find the spark in my soul again and focus on life instead of the stress of illness and loss.  

My job is more than I could have dreamed of getting to do especially at this point in my life. I play with the grandboys as much as possible and am so so grateful to be here with them.   And yet, it certainly does not replace or actually even distract me from my loss (which always seems like a funny phrase cause I know right where I put Tracy-he's not lost as much as not here).

In the course of a couple days I got an Email from a heroic ALSer who was able to reverse his symptoms and is back to walking and talking and golfing and working when he could not make it up 10 stairs for lack of oxygen and muscle weakness at one point.  He sent me his chapter to Healing ALS -which will go in a book written about more than 20 people, ALL of whom have reversed their symptoms by 
Extreme Healthy Living practices.
I can't wait until they publish their documentary film too.  We just need $130,000 to save so many lives and so much misery.  I wish we could use some Ice Bucket money for that.  I'm still working on it. I figure I will work to earn enough money to give it to them myself unless I find a generous soul who will donate it and save thousands and thousands of families from the hellish diagnosis and subsequent life style foisted upon us.

Then I got a phone call late at night from a cousin whose sister has MS she has been dealing with for 35 or more years who needed info on mobility and pain management.  Then there is a couple with ALS struggling to find a way to take care of each other with no help from anyone, not because they haven't asked, but because family and society said No.  Then I got a text message of support, out of the blue,  from a gal who proceeded me in the very journey I am on. I mean almost exactly the same journey.  We barely know each other and yet- we know EXACTLY what the other is dealing with, making us sisters in a weirdly widowed way.  Then there is my ALS warrior friend who keeps me going in a fun irreverent style.  We are reluctant Dead Spouse Society members who can share ANYTHING because we have been through Everything.

Then there are the random requests by friends of friends who hope that I might have some information to help their family or friends get through the shock of recent diagnosis.

It all comes pouring in at one time just as I choose to take a breath and try to refocus on a "normal life", whatever that is.

Now, before you say-'s just a matter of perception like when you get pregnant you suddenly notice all the preggoes or you get a new red car and everyone  seems to magically start copying you, -I'm telling ya it's not like that.

It's like I try to add more and more fun stuff that I like to do and takes up my time so my life will be filled with joyful stuff instead of getting my knickers in a knot about medical BS and issues my ranting most certainly will never change (so I am told).  Then, suddenly, like whiplash there is this faucet effect where requests and calls and texts and emails come rolling in all at one time to remind me there is NO getting out of the ALS life.  
Once in,- there is NO OUT.

This is a weird place to be because I don't really WANT out.  I know that sounds weird.  What I really want to do is rant and bitch and be a pain in the ass to those blocking the success of those trying to get the REAL TRUTH out there.  I want people to invest in reasonably priced practical mobility equipment development so those of us living on 2 hours sleep for years don't have to find time to run to the Dollar Store to find things to hot glue together in order to make our loved ones comfortable.  What I want is for Doctors to say- hell, I don't know.  We don't have medicine for that so good luck- go try anything and everything on the planet and let us know what works for you, and by the way- here is a counselor or therapist to help you deal with this giant unplanned life change.  What I want is to be able to share information without STILL hearing the words "in denial","cruel woman" and poor sap.  
But I don't want to be THAT person. The one everyone runs away from the moment I enter the room for fear I am gonna talk about uncomfortable issues unendingly.  I want to talk about fun things like grand kids, music and food too as in also, along with changing the world and saving lives and ending unnecessary suffering.

Sorry folks. I have really really tried to stay on the fringes, sharing with those who search me out.  I've tried to keep health chat to a minimum and post all the cookies and red meat I eat so you will see that I am just like you.  Some days I eat well, some days I don't.  But the difference now is that I KNOW when I wake up a swollen mess and hungry in the morning I DID IT TO MYSELF.  It's not old age or bad genetics as I have been told my whole life.  It's poisoned food, too much stress, lack of schedule and not enough sleep.  And when I make myself sick enough I then improve my diet until I feel better or fit back into clothes I need to wear. 

I have had so so many people tell me I just MUST write a book- which is hilarious to me for so many reasons, so I just might do it because I do love to laugh.  I do think it's a good idea because our journey was so unique in many ways and what we found out too late in the game may help others beat the odds or at the very least, give hope which is healing on many levels, even if it's not a CURE.  

So, if ya don't like it- bitch at the Universe about it, because I have given it my all to be out of the battle but it looks like the Universe put me here to be a pain in the ass until things are changed to give those diagnosed with ALS a fighting chance.

Now back to your regularly scheduled program.

Friday, January 6, 2017

Finding Balance

With the new year I am doing my best to set new goals.
What do I leave behind and what do I nurture and grow?
It's an odd place to be knowing I can't live in the past but not
wanting to forget it either.  
I loved my past.
My husband, my art, my crazy new age energy gurus, my fun loving, 
rough around the edges, out of the box friends.

Now ALS is part of my past as well....or is it?

When Tracy and I were newly diagnosed we spoke to people who
were in the ALS Association for more than 16 years after the passing of their loved
ones and I thought- how?  
How could they remain in the trenches that long?
I remember thinking, if we (because I truly believed we would always be WE)
ever get past all this, there is no way I would continue to stay in the absolute
WORST situation, way beyond what even my wild imagination could conjure up,
we have ever lived through.   And I am.
I have come to find out there is NO leaving.  
It's a part of us like shrapnel.

It's gotten to be nearly daily now that someone contacts me to ask a health, medical, mobility,
fund raising, hypnosis, family crisis, supplement, energy work,  or personal question related to our journey. This seems most incredible to me since I knew absolutely NOTHING about health or medicine or being an adult or how to use an Iphone or an ATM when we were diagnosed.
I assure them I do NOT have all the answers and many of them I do have, quite possibly could be wrong, but I am willing to share what we did and discovered in hopes they will be a step ahead of where we were.  Perhaps that one step could be the one they need to get out of the pit we are all are so casually tossed into at diagnosis.

It seems that no matter what my decisions are about my future, the Universe keeps placing situations and people in front of me that draw me back into that emotional vortex.  Those who are living my exact situation that have kept in touch with me over this past year strengthen my confidence that - 
no, I did not make all this up.  No, I wasn't in denial.  I wasn't scammed or naive.  
What I learned IS REAL.
It is Fact.  
And yes, it goes against the standard information out there that has been and continues to be presented as fact and our only option.

How can I just let all that go knowing others suffer daily for no good reason?

When you are drowning in depression and stress and fear and someone offers you ANY help, 
it's like getting that desperately needed gasp of air.

It is pounded into us that a PILL is the ONLY hope and anything but THAT is worthless.

I am here to tell you that is absolutely a lie.
I am here to say, and continue saying, whether anyone is listening or not,
that the caring and sharing of information, right, wrong or unproven IS
healing on so many levels.  
I continue to appreciate every comment, greeting card, phone
call, bad joke, text, message, email, gift card, prayer and actual paper note we received and continue to receive.
Never underestimate the healing power of kindness.
And I don't mean in just the Hallmark isn't that nice way.
I mean in a real tangible, being on the planet longer, living a healthier, 
happier life kind of way.
Because the medical world won't quantify that in a research study
does not mean it isn't true.  It means that there is no money to fund it's research.

I really, really don't want to be one of THOSE people.
"We" know what you think even if you don't say it.
You are afraid if you ask how we are doing we might ramble on and 
actually tell you, in great detail.  You feel guilty to eat junk food in front of
us for fear of judgement and nutritional lectures.  
And for the love of God PLEASE don't get us
started on the food and medical industry and conspiracy!!

I think it's about balance.
Balance between our old life and my new life.
Balance between living and reliving.

The lecture I spit at the youth condescending to me about getting comfortable with Progress, generally referring to spending money on more electronic contraptions that are programmed to be outdated in 2 years, and Change  I think is appropriate here as well.

Change: to leave behind (throw out) what you were doing or had in order to do or have something new.
(This is the mantra of our new society).

Progress: To keep the useful techniques and knowledge gained from the past and building on those in order to improve your life with ADDED experience, techniques, items or knowledge.

I choose to not just change my life but to progress thru my life.
Donate now so others can live.


Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Horrible but Hilarious

In our ALS Journey there were so so many things to deal with that there was absolutely NO way to be prepared for.  As horrible as many of them were to deal with there were some absolutely Hilarious ones too.
One of the great things about dealing with those in the ALS trenches is their blunt honesty that comes from not having any time to waste and no energy to filter or worry about being PC.

Many horrifying situations that were or could have been life threatening (to only deathly humiliating) are shared among those who "get it" in our world with a great laugh.

Occasionally one of us has a verbal slip, either by accident or on purpose, to or in front of those sensitive thoughtful caring people who are lucky enough to be living a "normal life".

This is rightfully met with a gasp, sputtering, blushing and or cringing.  Those who are unseemly enough to laugh out loud right along with us take us by surprise and are taken into the fold immediately.

When those from the "outside" only view the hardships of healthcare and sympathize our imagined hell they miss the LIFE that still goes on between all the things to do.

In our experience we had the natural tendency to blurt out what we knew people were thinking so they didn't have to slap themselves in the forehead for saying it later.  It allowed people to relax in conversations when we said out loud the absolutely worst thing imaginable so no matter what slip anyone made it was clearly nothing that would upset us in any way.

Sometimes it was just entertainment for Tracy who was such a doer before ALS.  
I think he just got bored and had to stir the pot.


Tracy: in front of the salesman- buy me that 
(insert any ridiculously expensive electronic device).
Me:  I pretend I can't understand him and smile and nod.
Tracy: He begins to try to order said extravagance directly from the salesman to get even.
Me: What the hell?  No.  What are you thinking?
Tracy: But it's my dying wish!
Me: You are maxed out on dying wishes this week buddy.
Tracy: Puppy eyes to the man bonding over the shrew wife thing.
Me:You won't have to worry about ALS killing you because if you keep this up I am gonna put your chair on turbo speed and aim you straight out that door onto the highway.
Salesman: Pretends he has an emergency call on a pager that isn't working.
Me: You jackass
Tracy: Shit eating grin

 As a matter of fact, my dear sweet (Jackass) dead husband- yep, I said that word dead out loud again, LLLOOVVEEEDDD to watch people squirm as he casually threw out verbal jousts just to see what they would do.  No matter how many times I kicked him or his wheelchair he would have that little boy grin with absolutely NO sign of remorse at their clear discomfort and or embarrassment.  

Originally I just thought it was Tracy being Tracy but through these past years I have come to find out that it's not just ALSers.  
My Dead Spouse Society is a club none of us wants to be in but there is a freedom in this kinship because we tend to say what we REALLY mean more often than most.  No matter how horrible it sounds there is absolutely NO judgement because we understand that you can deny the truth or not talk about the truth but that doesn't change the truth.  We tend to deal with harsh realities every day so acknowledging them is somehow easier for us than the energy draining appropriate rehearsed responses deemed acceptable to main stream society.

We do our best on good days to not subject you all with horrible but often times hilarious truths of our situations or journeys. Know that we don't purposely set out to send you running from the room with our comments, (well, most of the time).  
It's not really our fault.  
It seems our Give a Shit Genes gets damaged during the process of our journey
 (and some of us were lucky enough to never have that quality to begin with). 
Yes, Tracy....I know, I keep ending sentences in a preposition. What are ya gonna do about it now?  Huh?? Even now he haunts me about it.  There I go again.....

I wish I had the bravery and spontaneous honesty that I reprimanded Tracy for so often so I could share some of the situations we found ourselves in so you could better understand, in order to survive a long term chronic illness, sometimes you just have to laugh.

Perhaps I will block all my family and some of our close friends so I can share with those I never have to look in the eye, some of the realities of living with, instead of just dying of a disease that no one else is bold enough to talk about.