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Thursday, October 27, 2011

Good days, bad days

I'm struggling with what to post these days. I feel the need to lighten the mood with sarcasm, humor, offbeat commentary or  anecdotal witticisms. I look for the upside of all this while struggling with the annoying realities as they become apparent. I know my messages become exercises in redundancy but I continue to come back to the same issues with a slightly skewed viewpoint begging to be composed on these pages. ALS is creepy and relentless. It doesn't affect cognitive reasoning, yet it does. It causes a million blunders in reason purely by destroying voluntary muscle function. As an example, when I sit, my legs feel normal. They remain strong (though this may be a relative term), they lay properly, they look normal and I can move them to my will. My cognitive process functions normally when I am seated, when the ever present ALS is less obvious, but when I stand up and start walking, the disease shows its teeth and my cognitive brain is thrown off base. I SHOULD BE ABLE TO WALK NORMALLY! But I can't. I don't. My mind cannot come to grips with the transformation. As a result, when I'm required to walk any distance, the farther I travel, bumbling, the more distressed I become. This distress is mostly mental and can last far beyond the action that triggered it. I can not seem to be able to deal with this these days. I also try to speed up, not so much due to embarrassment (though this does play a part), as to my desire to get done with it. I need to get to  point B quickly so as to lessen the imprint on my brain that the struggle is monumental and growing. A broken leg heals, you see.............

I am anxious for November 13 to get here so that I can prove to my family that I am still able to travel without help. I simply need to navigate puny (though upscale by Peoria standards) Downing International (are you kidding?) Airport, sit for a couple of hours (this I am good at), arrive in Dallas, ride a wheelchair out of the gate, step out and transfer to the world of my daughter, her family and heaven (for me), hug 'em all and slip off into la la land for a week. I will be bringing along some of my favorite recipes, my Kindle and a backpack of clean underwear. Life, if you don't consider my ALS, just can't get any better.

I must return to my dilemma. My newest blockade of desperation is tangible, if not effective. For the last several months, I have worked on the mind/body concepts, I have learned how to relax myself, both physically and mentally, I have developed ever changing coping mechanisms, tweaking their application to my immediate needs. I am not, and do not, intend to take any drugs  to help me get through this mess. I understand that anti-depressants help a great many people, ALS suffers for sure, but I would rather learn to cope on my own. So far, I've managed. I can't say if that will be the case in the future. I may discover a breaking point down the line. I may welcome a drug induced euphoria, or catatonia, or coma. I have never been normal, add ALS and the end result may require drugs I never knew existed.  So, before that time comes, if it ever does, I will be exploring the documents of Edgar Casey, the stories of Traditional Medicine, Mexican stem cells- whatever has a whisper of an effect. Even if nothing works, (I've said it before), I will enjoy the ride, the adventure, the hope.  

I look forward to posting while under the influence, ala Timothy Leary, though I doubt LSD will be the mind changer of choice.


14 comments:

  1. We can't wait for you to get here. And thanks for bringing clean underwear.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is real take it serious, my name is marian i, who will believe that a herb can
      Cure HIV&AIDS I never believe that this will work i have spend
      A lot when getting drugs from the hospital to keep me
      Healthy, what I was waiting for is death because i was broke,
      One day i hard about this great man who is well know of HIV
      And cancer cure, I decided to email him, unknowingly to me
      That this will be the end of the HIV&AIDS in my body, he
      Prepare the herb for me, and give me instruction on how to
      Take it, at the end of the one month, he told me to go to the
      Hospital for a checkup, and i went, surprisingly after the test
      The doctor confirm me negative, i thought it was a joke, i
      Went to other hospital was also negative, then i took my
      Friend who was also suffering from HIV and CANCER to the DOCTOR his name is Dr sado after the treatment she was also confirm both disease
      Free. He also has the herb to cure.
      (1, Enlargement of dick
      (2) DIABETES,
      (3) HIV&AIDS,
      (4) ALS INFECTION AND HPV VIRUS
      (5) YOU WANT YOUR EX HUSBAND BACK
      (6) IMPOTENCE,
      (7) BARENESS/INFERTILITY
      (8) DIARRHEA
      (9) ASTHMA...
      (10) CANCER
      (11) Pregnancy
      please i want
      every one with this virus to be free and be cured, that is why am dropping his mail okay
      Visit him drsadosolutiontemple@gmail.com or call +2348145243120

      Delete
    2. Thanks to dr.ezomo for his good work I never believe that HIV has cure, I was HIV positive over 3 year now before I came across a comment about how
      dr.ezomo cure HIV and herpes disease but when I saw it i have it in mind
      that he cant cure HIV I just decided to give it a try I contact him that
      night luckily to me he replied me, but I dont believe him I thought it was
      a scam but I still hold on to see the work of Dr ezomo if he is saying the
      truth he ask for some details about me i gave him all he needed and I
      waited to see his reply to my problem after all, he told me to go for check
      up and I went for HIV test I cant believe I was negative,am so happy and
      grateful to God for using Dr ezomo to cure me, that is the reason why i
      decided to write this wonderful testimony of our i was cured, i recommend
      Dr ezomo to you all around the world,contact him on his Email dr.ezomorootandherbals@gmail.com or you can also reach him through WhatsApp number+2349069171173
      dr.ezomo for helping me at this young age if you need help contact,
      He can also cure so many sickness
      {1}HIV And AIDS
      {2}Diabetes
      {3}Epilepsy
      {4} Blood Cancer
      {5} HPV
      {6} ALS
      {7} Hepatitis
      {8}Love Spell

      Delete
    3. Thanks to dr.ezomo for his good work I never believe that HIV has cure, I was HIV positive over 3 year now before I came across a comment about how
      dr.ezomo cure HIV and herpes disease but when I saw it i have it in mind
      that he cant cure HIV I just decided to give it a try I contact him that
      night luckily to me he replied me, but I dont believe him I thought it was
      a scam but I still hold on to see the work of Dr ezomo if he is saying the
      truth he ask for some details about me i gave him all he needed and I
      waited to see his reply to my problem after all, he told me to go for check
      up and I went for HIV test I cant believe I was negative,am so happy and
      grateful to God for using Dr ezomo to cure me, that is the reason why i
      decided to write this wonderful testimony of our i was cured, i recommend
      Dr ezomo to you all around the world,contact him on his Email dr.ezomorootandherbals@gmail.com or you can also reach him through WhatsApp number+2349069171173
      dr.ezomo for helping me at this young age if you need help contact,
      He can also cure so many sickness
      {1}HIV And AIDS
      {2}Diabetes
      {3}Epilepsy
      {4} Blood Cancer
      {5} HPV
      {6} ALS
      {7} Hepatitis
      {8}Love Spell

      Delete
    4. Thanks to dr.ezomo for his good work I never believe that ALS has cure, I was ALS over 3 year now before I came across a comment about how
      dr.ezomo cure ALS and herpes disease but when I saw it i have it in mind
      that he cant cure ALS I just decided to give it a try I contact him that
      night luckily to me he replied me, but I dont believe him I thought it was
      a scam but I still hold on to see the work of Dr ezomo if he is saying the
      truth he ask for some details about me i gave him all he needed and I
      waited to see his reply to my problem after all, he told me to go for check
      up and I went for HIV test I cant believe I was negative,am so happy and
      grateful to God for using Dr ezomo to cure me, that is the reason why i
      decided to write this wonderful testimony of our i was cured, i recommend
      Dr ezomo to you all around the world,contact him on his Email dr.ezomorootandherbals@gmail.com or you can also reach him through WhatsApp number+2349069171173
      dr.ezomo for helping me at this young age if you need help contact,
      He can also cure so many sickness

      Delete
  2. Do what my mother did when travelling. Take your old, but clean underwear and throw it away at days end!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Tracy,

    Enjoy time with your family;0 Slow down and be careful because you don't want a broken leg to deal with....or other body parts at that!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I vote for hearing more from the storyteller in you. Any moments of goofiness, vandalism, honor or error you want to admit to? (As with all great storytelling, feel free to use "truthiness" to protect the innocent or thicken the plot.)

    ReplyDelete
  5. It must be understood that while nobody would blame me in using creative license in my storytelling, I do not, merely because truth is more appealing than fiction, in this case, and in ALL of my telling, historic or current, I do not embellish. I can call family and substantiate every sentence as factual. When I run out of true incidents, I will let it be known I have delved into fiction. Until then- believe it.

    ReplyDelete
  6. oohhhhh...could I tell a story or two...hhhahaa.a.a..
    As far as proving that you can be independent...WHY? and to whom?
    As far as drugs, maybe there is a good reason other than the obvious ALL the ALSers use them. Maybe it isn't about a happy high. Maybe they really do effect the speed/slowness of the disease. Maybe there is only one way to tell. What if I double dog dare you?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Tracy, I LOVE your story telling. I remember when Dan was working for you and two days after I told him that I was pregnant Al called me from Proctor Hospital. He cautously starts the conversation,"Janet, don't freak out or speed to the hospital, but Dan nailed his foot to a board and we had to pry it off!" When I got to the hospital they had cut off his boot and all that was left was a one inch square of leather still attached to the nail that was impaled through his second toe. My first thought was to wipe the grin off my mouth that was trying to form. I still can't believe that it didn't even break the toe. Ahhhh, Those were the days. haha

    ReplyDelete
  8. This is real who will believe that a herb can
    Cure HIV&AIDS I never believe that this will work i have spend
    A lot when getting drugs from the hospital to keep me
    Healthy, what I was waiting for is death because i was broke,
    One day i hard about this great man who is well know of HIV
    And cancer cure, I decided to email him, unknowingly to me
    That this will be the end of the HIV&AIDS in my body, he
    Prepare the herb for me, and give me instruction on how to
    Take it, at the end of the one month, he told me to go to the
    Hospital for a checkup, and i went, surprisingly after the test
    The doctor confirm me negative, i thought it was a joke, i
    Went to other hospital was also negative, then i took my
    Friend who was also suffering from HIV and CANCER to the DOCTOR his name is Dr sado after the treatment she was also confirm both disease
    Free. He also has the herb to cure.
    (1, Enlargement of dick
    (2) DIABETES,
    (3) HIV&AIDS,
    (4) ALS INFECTION AND HPV VIRUS
    (5) YOU WANT YOUR EX HUSBAND BACK
    (6) IMPOTENCE,
    (7) BARENESS/INFERTILITY
    (8) DIARRHEA
    (9) ASTHMA...
    (10) CANCER
    (11) Pregnancy
    please i want
    every one with this virus to be free and be cured, that is why am dropping his mail okay
    Visit him drsadosolutiontemple@gmail.com or call +2348145243120

    ReplyDelete
  9. This is real take it serious, my name is marian i, who will believe that a herb can
    Cure HIV&AIDS I never believe that this will work i have spend
    A lot when getting drugs from the hospital to keep me
    Healthy, what I was waiting for is death because i was broke,
    One day i hard about this great man who is well know of HIV
    And cancer cure, I decided to email him, unknowingly to me
    That this will be the end of the HIV&AIDS in my body, he
    Prepare the herb for me, and give me instruction on how to
    Take it, at the end of the one month, he told me to go to the
    Hospital for a checkup, and i went, surprisingly after the test
    The doctor confirm me negative, i thought it was a joke, i
    Went to other hospital was also negative, then i took my
    Friend who was also suffering from HIV and CANCER to the DOCTOR his name is Dr sado after the treatment she was also confirm both disease
    Free. He also has the herb to cure.
    (1, Enlargement of dick
    (2) DIABETES,
    (3) HIV&AIDS,
    (4) ALS INFECTION AND HPV VIRUS
    (5) YOU WANT YOUR EX HUSBAND BACK
    (6) IMPOTENCE,
    (7) BARENESS/INFERTILITY
    (8) DIARRHEA
    (9) ASTHMA...
    (10) CANCER
    (11) Pregnancy
    please i want
    every one with this virus to be free and be cured, that is why am dropping his mail okay
    Visit him drsadosolutiontemple@gmail.com or call +2348145243120

    ReplyDelete
  10. As a sign of gratitude for how my husband was saved from ALS, i decided to reach out to those still suffering from this.
    My husband was diagnosed of ALS in 2013 and it was really tough and heartbreaking for me because he was my all and the symptoms were terrible, he always have trouble swallowing , and he always complain of Weakness of the body . we tried various therapies prescribed by our neurologist but none could cure him. I searched for a cure and i saw a testimony by someone who was cured and so many other with similar body problem, and he left the contact of the doctor who had the cure to ALS. I never imagined ALS has a natural cure not until i contacted him and he assured me my husband will be fine. I got the herbal medication he recommended and my husband used it and in one months he was fully okay even up till this moment he is so full of life. ALS has a cure and it is a herbal cure contact the doctor for more info on drwilliams098675@gmail.com on how to get the medication. Thanks for reading my testimony.

    ReplyDelete