I am grateful.......................

First of all, let me thank the folks in the Bahamas, whether vacationing or native, for joining my growing family of readers today. I wish I were there,  soaking up the sunshine and tanning this Burl Ives physique. I again thank all of my readers, accidental and otherwise. Let that be that.

Back to me. I  cancelled my physical therapy today because 1) I have a list of activities written and can perform them with Amy's help, and 2) I suffer performance stress at the thought or act of an outsider lifting my legs in bed, watching me struggle moving in a tight rotation or any other motion where failure is a distinct possibility. While I know my physical therapist is aware of my disease and its path, making rehabilitation a hope at best, I would rather hope for improvement, any evidence thereof apparent to me, be witnessed by my wife or daughter first. Then I'll call the PT.

Sleeping through the night has become a distant memory as my mobility now has diminished to the point where I cannot roll over or move across the bed without help. My grip and purchase is so weak that if I try to push my feet, they slide and I don't move. If my sheets were made of 120 grit sandpaper, I might be able to dig in. I am like a snake, whipped half conscious and thrown on a slip n slide. As a consequence, whatever position I find myself in when I fall asleep will be the position I find myself when I wake up- two hours later, sore, in need to re-group, in need to clear my mind of repetitive dreams and thoughts likely brought on by my futile, repetitive efforts to find a new sleeping position, and finally, I need to pee. This pattern of night behavior has invaded my slumber. I recently tried a sleeping pill different than the Ambien that nearly promoted night terrors only to find out the new stuff to be crap as well, keeping me awake and anxious. Another drug attempt had no effect other than to make me groggy half the next day. As a rule, I do better fighting my own demons rather than hiring a drug proxy. My present efforts, drug free, are aimed at re-booting throughout the night without succumbing to the pee trigger. So far, no accidents other than an occasional aiming issue that is apologetically brought to my attention and apologetically received. Suffice it to say that this misguidance is not the result of ALS but a pre-existing shortcoming I picked up in adolescence. So far and historically, I have refused to pee like a girl, a stubbornness now bolstered by the fact that it is harder to stand back up. Weakness has proven to have its advantages.