Trying out a cane today

I applaud anyone out there who has mastered (yes, mastered) a cane. Before seriously considering it's use, the cane I found in my garage served more as a martial art weapon, more like an umbrella as wielded by the guy with the derby in the Avengers series (you know, with the "hot" Emma Peel). Funny how I don't know his name. Anyway, since my cane doesn't have a blade tucked inside for swordplay, and my condition may be calling for it's practical use, I am putting aside the combat and setting it to use. (that's pronounced ' yoos').
Easier said than done............ Let me first explain that I am feeling no pain. It doesn't hurt to walk and I don't fear falling as yet but my left leg reacts as if commanded by Colonel Klink and my right is simply confused all the time. Imagine clapping and your left hand misses your right 80% of the time- you'd likely hold your left stationary and smack it with the right. Well, I've found I can't walk using such strategy. So I attempt two legged coordination with one doing a Waltz and the other performing a Samba. Believe me when I say it looks as funny as it sounds.
The purpose of a cane varies with the needs of the carrier. For me, I need a stabilizer for my left leg. I cannot hold the cane in my left had due to diminished strength, so I use my right and try to place the cane down as I lift my right leg (by present account my good one), which sounds backward, no doubt backward in the world of cane etiquette, but which acts as another support for my left. If you feel this is confusing in theory, jump on my mule and put it to practice! It's like patting your head, rubbing your stomach and whistling Dixie while chewing gum! If I get the rhythm right, move out of my way, but if I should falter or have to stop, it's like watching a one legged unicyclist. I am sure that to begin with, I will appear mentally handicapped as well as physically diminished. I fear any conversation with me might confirm the former, so my plan is to simply smile and nod and continue on my way.
I play this out as comical because it really is funny- in a demented way. I know it looks silly, a little sad, and on occasion, quite pathetic, coming from where I've been, but the bottom line is I have places to go and I will travel by any means necessary to get me there. By they way, snickering is acceptable, but outright laughs will earn you a whack on the head. Until again, T.