All canoeing adventures aside, Dillon said it best, 'and now the times they are a changin', faster than I would like. Despite my months of focus on a healing state of mind, I am beginning to understand that, regardless of my resistance to do so, I must now focus on the bleak future I may face. I cannot deny that I am apprehensive, however I can deny that I believe that the worst case scenario is in the cards for me. My curiosity always wins out, so I've watched many a video, read many an article and listened to many a person detail the horror and complications of advanced ALS.
I wouldn't call myself an optimist. Neither would I see myself as the opposite. My philosophy tends to lean towards the concept that my future is what I make of it. I am, given my situation, definitely, a proponent of quality over quantity. Any considerations pertaining to the level of treatment, the dynamics of such treatment and the extent of its application will be mine. Soon I must choose the road I will travel if I continue toward this worst case scenario, also plotting when and where I exit. There are financial considerations, there are familial considerations and there are emotional considerations to be applied that require me to decide sooner rather than later. My choice, however, will be made based upon how I feel I can cope with whatever decision I make. Once I reveal, I will not waver from my plan, and everyone will be able to relax and enjoy my company.
Yes, we are moving to Dallas in the spring, to join my daughter, Sarah, and her family, including her hubby, Tim, and my grand sons, Alex and Isaac. Rachel, already establishing her photography business here, will also be taking her talents to Dallas. Nick, now living in Chicago, will soon be touring around the country in some fashion and we will likely see him in Texas as often as in Peoria. Keep in mind that our transition south in no way impedes our efforts to visit our many friends and relatives here. It's not like I'll need to take time off work.
Besides the obvious reason for us to choose Dallas, there are several considerations, including the fact that I'm probably a couple of months from not being able to navigate stairs safely. I can't expect anyone to catch me if I pirouette out of control. Winter snow and ice will be a major problem when transitioning to and from the car. Again, I don't want to put anyone in the position of having to catch me. Add to my winter woes here is the potential for the inevitable scenario whereby I step gingerly into the cold, hob down a few steps and realize I really, really have to pee. In my condition, there is no way on God's green earth I'm going to make it inside and to the toilet in time.
I wouldn't call myself an optimist. Neither would I see myself as the opposite. My philosophy tends to lean towards the concept that my future is what I make of it. I am, given my situation, definitely, a proponent of quality over quantity. Any considerations pertaining to the level of treatment, the dynamics of such treatment and the extent of its application will be mine. Soon I must choose the road I will travel if I continue toward this worst case scenario, also plotting when and where I exit. There are financial considerations, there are familial considerations and there are emotional considerations to be applied that require me to decide sooner rather than later. My choice, however, will be made based upon how I feel I can cope with whatever decision I make. Once I reveal, I will not waver from my plan, and everyone will be able to relax and enjoy my company.
Yes, we are moving to Dallas in the spring, to join my daughter, Sarah, and her family, including her hubby, Tim, and my grand sons, Alex and Isaac. Rachel, already establishing her photography business here, will also be taking her talents to Dallas. Nick, now living in Chicago, will soon be touring around the country in some fashion and we will likely see him in Texas as often as in Peoria. Keep in mind that our transition south in no way impedes our efforts to visit our many friends and relatives here. It's not like I'll need to take time off work.
Besides the obvious reason for us to choose Dallas, there are several considerations, including the fact that I'm probably a couple of months from not being able to navigate stairs safely. I can't expect anyone to catch me if I pirouette out of control. Winter snow and ice will be a major problem when transitioning to and from the car. Again, I don't want to put anyone in the position of having to catch me. Add to my winter woes here is the potential for the inevitable scenario whereby I step gingerly into the cold, hob down a few steps and realize I really, really have to pee. In my condition, there is no way on God's green earth I'm going to make it inside and to the toilet in time.
pee outside
ReplyDeleteas to the other part of your comments,I think about those very same choices every day
ReplyDelete