Let's back track a little

EMG- Some kind of archaic ALS testing device designed by the Marquis De Said during one of his otherworldly visits to a Hogwarts (timely reference with no particular relevance) spell class. The test is used to determine anomalies in motor neuron timing, muscle reaction and evidence of hypersensitivity following a signature pattern unique to ALS. Simply put, the test procedure begins with a 2 pronged fork, electrically charged at intervals and brought in contact with various points of flesh, designed to elicit a response such as "oh, shit!" or "WTF!" or tears, or moans, and finally, agonized resignation. This is the easy part (think- peeing on an electric fence), and lasts a mere hour. In order to avoid a mis-diagnosis, we come to part two. I like to call it "Stab me with a needle 'til I die and blame it on the ALS" test. You need a big ass sewing machine needle attached to a length of baling wire and inserted into a device that records an audio signal and provides a visual on a computer monitor within my eye shot. Let me watch the doctor (or under skilled Chicago gang refugee intern- I'll get to test #2 Chitown later) repeatedly stab my arm (about 80 times), read the outputs and note the increased activity as he washes the needle through my muscle striations. Imagine the needle as an oar in the water, then pull a j-stroke- you surely get it. Conduct this test for a few hours. Piece of cake. (Cake a year old, stowed in a tin box in your basement, rancid, furry, delicious).
So, March 16, 2011 was the day of my confirmation in Peoria. Little did I know that an EMG in town pulls no weight with the big, bitchy, neurotic ALS experts in Chicago. Little did I know that a Peoria EMG serves only as a preamble to the body of work that a big time Chicago EMG has to offer..... stay tuned for "EMG, the Untold Story" If only someone had told me.... things would have gone much differently.