I'm not bitter- I am flabbergasted

Unfortunately for you my grieving process is going to include you, the cyber public. 

Why? Because that is what Tracy would have done and some how that makes me feel better for now.  

And that I want our journey to help as many people as possible NOT to have to go through our journey.  

So, with that said-

I just got a call from the head of HealingALS.org again (that I missed- sorry Tish- call ya back soon) who, in her very very busy schedule, took the time to check on me AGAIN because she cares so much.  I have never actually physically met this person but she has helped Tracy and I personally many times and others uncountable times, out of the kindness of her heart, for no money and quite often at her own personal expense because she CARES.

Compared to:

Tracy's medical GP who just got around to having her assistant call to ask if Tracy would make his appointment on time next week.....that's right.  His OWN DOCTOR didn't know he died 3 weeks ago.  

How is this even possible?

 

Her name, number and address had been given at every ER visit and I filled out every paper they told me to and they asked is it okay to share any and all medical information with any and all medical people and family which I answered emphatically YES.  We had discussed that she was out of the loop before and after his tube replacement surgery in June and Sept so that needed to be improved.  She was aware of his diagnosis because she constantly lectured me about being obsessive and unreasonable about my ridiculous denial issues in trying to heal him.  If she had cared about his CARE at all it seems to me she should have been curious enough to ask why I hadn't called in his INR numbers each Monday as I have for years.  She would have called to say- hey- what ever happened about the Lovenox shots that went on forever that I had called her about?  Who did she think was taking care of his warfarin levels all this time since this was HER job that she complained to me that I let others handle in the past?  How did the hospital doctors not ever even call her once to ask any kind of question about his standard base line health?

How is it the medical doctors can and did look me in the eye and recite repeatedly that we should NOT get sucked in by the scammers and Charlatans promoting "alternative" (common sense) health ideas because as they told us- we don't have the time or money to waste and there is no PROOF that stuff works (except for these people who are still alive through HealingALS.org talking to us).  These "scammers"  have taken the time to call and check on me and offer help in so many ways for no money while our medical doctors didn't even know that Tracy had died weeks earlier.

It's these kinds of issues that people keep telling me to just let go of because it won't bring Tracy back.  I shouldn't upset myself.  How do I live in the world KNOWING this WILL happen to others just like us if no one speaks up and makes them take responsibility for their lack of actions?

What was the point of Tracy blogging every single personal detail of our lives if not to help people in some way since he already knew what he was thinking and feeling?

Now, the truth is that even if Tracy had told me to stop it I would still be highly motivated on this path because it's who I am.  Not what I do.  It's who I am.

So...huh....thank you for listening.

(hhmmm.....Tracy was right.  I do feel a bit better).