This blog will be four years old come July 12th. It has endured the decimation of my ability to communicate. The scope and creativity that thrived in the first year, when most of my degeneration was imagined and put to word, has been gradually supplanted with the reality of experience. Frightening is how horrific was my description. More frightening is how accurate was my prediction. Wordsmiths forgive my terrible sentence structure, but it works for me.
When I read my older posts, I find less naivete than I would have expected. In the grand scheme, I was all too "spot on" for my own good. The machinations of my ALS nightmare are crystallized before they were realized. How can this be? Perhaps my predictions were simply intended to be the guide to materialize my future. Maybe I'm living the prophesy according to Tracy, self fulfilling. Write what you believe, believe what you write. Think about it. I may have created my own monster. If I'd not been so graphic, so colorful, mightn't I be living a more sedate horror?
Far be it from me to expand on self blame. I've used up every morsel of that shit. There is nothing left but reminiscence. Look back at my early efforts. They spell out my future perfectly. Rather than having imagined my future in the entries of this blog, I created it.
Nobody can brainwash me like me.
When I read my older posts, I find less naivete than I would have expected. In the grand scheme, I was all too "spot on" for my own good. The machinations of my ALS nightmare are crystallized before they were realized. How can this be? Perhaps my predictions were simply intended to be the guide to materialize my future. Maybe I'm living the prophesy according to Tracy, self fulfilling. Write what you believe, believe what you write. Think about it. I may have created my own monster. If I'd not been so graphic, so colorful, mightn't I be living a more sedate horror?
Far be it from me to expand on self blame. I've used up every morsel of that shit. There is nothing left but reminiscence. Look back at my early efforts. They spell out my future perfectly. Rather than having imagined my future in the entries of this blog, I created it.
Nobody can brainwash me like me.
No comments:
Post a Comment