Obviously, I hope to be able to survive ALS, whether it be through energy healing, spontaneous remission, God or by way of any means that come my way. I hear stories of survival, but they do not bolster my confidence mainly because they are not me. I don't believe that consequences in health or survival are in any way related to a plan, a mystery or fate. Those who are struck down by cancer, ALS, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, or a million other maladies simply drew the short straw in life. I don't believe any good can come out of suffering and dying.
So much for my hope paragraph. Now fear. Every morning I wake up after having dreamt, finding myself afflicted, unlike my dreams, where I am whole and functional. It is something like having Alzheimer's, relearning reality a day at a time.
I have seen some change recently that may or may not have the ultimate desired affect. Spending the weekend in Austin, sitting for 18 hours over 2 days with Master Co, learning about Pranic healing gave me a view of the working concepts of energy healing. Amy is frantically studying the higher levels of such healing in the hopes of helping me. I owe it to her and myself to accept her help.
As far as the creature comforts of my life are concerned, I do not go wanting. We bought a van that is much more practical for transportation. I can roll into the passenger seat and sit next to Amy. My eye gaze is a pain in the ass but sooner or later I will master it.
My worst experiences are when I'm in public with people around me that I know. My speech is so poor that often I am not understood. I can't shake hands and I find it awkward at best to convey to someone my disability. Mostly I feel bad for them and their embarrassment. It's difficult to watch Alex play soccer surrounded by healthy walking adults. I take a drug called Nudexta to level my mood since ALS exacerbates normal emotions; it is beginning to fail.
A last note for today: I am fairly certain my father reads these posts. I know he has access to a phone and I know he has my number. (309-635-1551)
Dad, feel free to call anytime. I promise not to be working. I need to hear from you.
So much for my hope paragraph. Now fear. Every morning I wake up after having dreamt, finding myself afflicted, unlike my dreams, where I am whole and functional. It is something like having Alzheimer's, relearning reality a day at a time.
I have seen some change recently that may or may not have the ultimate desired affect. Spending the weekend in Austin, sitting for 18 hours over 2 days with Master Co, learning about Pranic healing gave me a view of the working concepts of energy healing. Amy is frantically studying the higher levels of such healing in the hopes of helping me. I owe it to her and myself to accept her help.
As far as the creature comforts of my life are concerned, I do not go wanting. We bought a van that is much more practical for transportation. I can roll into the passenger seat and sit next to Amy. My eye gaze is a pain in the ass but sooner or later I will master it.
My worst experiences are when I'm in public with people around me that I know. My speech is so poor that often I am not understood. I can't shake hands and I find it awkward at best to convey to someone my disability. Mostly I feel bad for them and their embarrassment. It's difficult to watch Alex play soccer surrounded by healthy walking adults. I take a drug called Nudexta to level my mood since ALS exacerbates normal emotions; it is beginning to fail.
A last note for today: I am fairly certain my father reads these posts. I know he has access to a phone and I know he has my number. (309-635-1551)
Dad, feel free to call anytime. I promise not to be working. I need to hear from you.
If you are reading this Mr. Boettcher Senior,I implore you to call your son. feel free to use mine if you live in Peoria.
ReplyDeleteTracy, you should not feel bad for the people that care for you, because you think it embarrasses them to try to interact with you. I still look at you as the same friend you always where and take the changes as a challenge. To a true friend no challenge is too much to bear. Always remember if there is anything I can do for you don’t be afraid to ask. I do not know your Father but I do hope he reads your blog and gets in touch with you. After all when it comes down to the brass tacks of life all that really maters are your family and friends. I hope you always remember you have many here in IL.
ReplyDeleteI second what Ted said. I lost my Dad at age 10. That also means he lost me!!
ReplyDelete