I refuse to......

......... Be spoon fed thickened liquid as directed by hospital staff after a swallow test conducted while admitted. I further refuse to eat only pureed food as directed by the same staff. Today I had coffee (through a straw, another no no), an egg, cheese and bacon sandwiched between two halves of a toasted English muffin and a serving of aronia berries blended with vanilla yogurt. last night I snacked on Ruffles and Bugles. I have sucked down gallons of water, lemonade, Tang, ice tea and V8, all through the dreaded straw, considered by the ignorant to be my ticket to aspiration. Well, I do have aspirations, though the list fails to include filling my lungs with fluid. I am afflicted, yes I am. Today I don't care. Tomorrow I won't care. Next month I won't care. I didn't care yesterday. I'm tired of dwelling on shambles and wreckage. The car that is my body is dented, rusty, the doors creak, the engine misses, the muffler has fallen off......... But its (my) resolve is intact. I may have a sickness, but I am not sick. I refuse to be defined so. I can't walk but have taken strides. I can't talk but say plenty. The only way to beat this disease is to first exile it from your head. As is evident in many of my posts, the war in my brain found me losing many battles. My fight was complicated when I found the medical profession, perversely bunkered with the opposition, cautiously bolstering the notion of the worst case scenario, eager to come to the aid of my resignation. I have put away my war tools. I am not reckless, but bold. I have discovered something that is so obvious as to appear invisible. The monster no longer inhabits the room. I am eternally grateful that ALS has had no effect on my testicular fortitude. Today is a good day.