Late night post

It is obvious that my last few entries have been shorter than usual. I myself have noticed that I make funny my experiences in depleted physical capability. As a matter of fact it is funny. I can better cope if I look back and recognize the humor in it all, but the frustrations of dependency cut deep and leave scars. Each realization adds weight to the scalpel. I cry before I laugh just as I inhale before I exhale. I cannot enjoy the second without suffering the first. There is a lot going on that I don't talk about.

I find it interesting that in the last couple months I've not had to deal with too much of the myriad fixes that inundated my person for most of my ALS tenure. All the well meaning pitches have been thrown. I don't doubt for a second that they continue to  care for me and respect my views and decisions. I still hold out hope that better days lie ahead and I plan to exercise my right to create all the prosperity I can muster, be it traveling without a schedule, watching pay per view guilt free or smoking an occasional cigar. I know I'm on the minds of a few folk and appreciate that they care for what happens to me. I only wish I could see the future and see that it is bright. Unfortunately, I cannot. All I see is today and all is slightly gray. Anything that can lift the fog of my situation, even a little, gives me more color to  absorb. My wife can lift the sky, my kids can. My grand sons are bright, my family carries light, my friends, everywhere, hold candles of hope and empathy. With all this, I can almost  see the future, almost believe in its clarity. Almost.

OK, don't expect too much waxy sentimentality from me- this is just the meandering of a wayward mind. Next time you get structure. Promise.