I need to post

In less than a week I'll be in Peoria. I find myself listing in my mind future events to look forward to, fearful that the voids in between give me little to focus on other than my ALS. If I could fill my calendar with museum visits, zoo visits, the aquarium, concerts and the like, I'd have less time to dwell on the obvious. It is apparent to me that filling my time with outside activities is much easier than experiencing my family without being able to partake in the experience. If I see kids playing in the park I have no burning desire to join them. If I see Alex or Isaac playing in the living room, all I can do is watch and cheer them on. Outside of listening and observing, my hands are tied. I need to do a better a job of integrating myself into my family and cast aside self-doubt and self-loathing.  I'm working on it.


Thursday I spent seven hours or so with a therapist with the idea of identifying issues in my past that may have a connection with my condition today. At a later date I'll elaborate on the events once I draw my conclusions as to its effectiveness, and as to whether I'm enlightened by the experience. 


Friday I visited the pain management clinic and got exactly what I was after, Percocet. To date it is the only legal remedy to my nightly pain. I now have a three month supply and plan to schedule dual x-ray shots, one in each shoulder, to hopefully help combat the pain, possibly frozen shoulder or an unrelated ALS issue involving my musculature. 


I have yet to receive my eye-gaze computer but I've been told I will receive a loner before I come to Peoria. I'll probably leave it at home unless it has a bracket for my chair. 


I look forward to seeing everybody next week.