Liquid dinner?

About a month ago, just days prior to our California trip, I made the decision to cancel my appointment to have a feeding tube installed through my abdominal wall and into my stomach. The primary reason for my change of heart came from concerns that any problems that might arise would find us on the road, unable to properly address them. Now that we're home, several other considerations have delayed any attempt to reschedule the surgery. For one, although chewing and swallowing have become problematic, I can still do both, carefully. Secondly, I have never had any kind of surgery and have never been knocked out before, my main worry being hit with a panic attack, easily brought on by simply lying flat on my back. Also a concern is the admission that I really need it in the first place. My doctor advised me that if I maintain my weight I will live longer, thus the tube would ensure I received enough nutrition to sustain me even if I can't eat much. So far, I can still eat, but by my own admission, I am losing some weight. I'm by no means thin, but I am lighter than I've been in several years. I might add that this is not an attractive change- while my gut continues its distention, my arms have transformed into slack flesh drawn over bone, all of my muscle cells flat and dead, deflated, while my once strong legs, though putting up a fight, are beginning to diminish as well. To me, adding fat just gives the disease more to munch. So...... For now, no tube.