Being both tired and out of breath and unable to move and unable to talk and sick to my stomach and scared of the surgery and knowing I'm coming out of that surgery being both tired and out of breath and unable to move and unable to talk and sick to my stomach is disconcerting.
One thing is certain : Surviving is beginning to be a painful pipe dream. The realities are trumping my idealism. I need not to measure the quality of life on a daily basis as the length of the measurement tends toward the negative.
I apologize for my depressing post. This is just how I feel today.
If you think for one moment that I am brave or heroic, be aware that the only things keeping me from checking out are my cowardice and the lack of ability for me to call hospice. That, and the many friends and family members who would be disappointed and sad with the news of my exit. Add Amy to the mix and the deal is sealed. I'm just saying that this is no picnic. It's not like I have a choice.
Don't fret. In an hour I'll think differently. I never stay on task. I love that about me, so easily distracted and influenced
One thing is certain : Surviving is beginning to be a painful pipe dream. The realities are trumping my idealism. I need not to measure the quality of life on a daily basis as the length of the measurement tends toward the negative.
I apologize for my depressing post. This is just how I feel today.
If you think for one moment that I am brave or heroic, be aware that the only things keeping me from checking out are my cowardice and the lack of ability for me to call hospice. That, and the many friends and family members who would be disappointed and sad with the news of my exit. Add Amy to the mix and the deal is sealed. I'm just saying that this is no picnic. It's not like I have a choice.
Don't fret. In an hour I'll think differently. I never stay on task. I love that about me, so easily distracted and influenced
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