Any little thing sets my clonising to fits. I'm out of my mind, which leaves me in my body, which is, of course, useless. Meditation becomes a dream becomes a nightmare becomes hell becomes reality. Full circle. Such is my conundrum. My existence is a pale wisp out of sync with the troubled times of my waking hours. I'm caught between wanting to live forever and wishing not.
The best I can do is observe that which is now unattainable, that which is now untouchable, all that is tactile and engraved in my memory. Forever lost is a kiss, a handshake, an embrace, anything and everything requiring reciprocation. I have become a physical dullard, a stuffed toy, a product of my own unwinding.
Understand that I'm not in my right mind when my Amy ails. Surrogate anything takes its toll on me.
I need to get out more. We do. Travel is my best elixir. Any break in routine, no matter how difficult in the beginning, results in a positive conclusion.
I'd rather live on the road than die in bed. The bigger the distraction, the better I feel.
I hate that I lay around all day doing nothing. I was once relatively useful. Now I rely on others to tend to my needs. Sucks big time.
The best I can do is observe that which is now unattainable, that which is now untouchable, all that is tactile and engraved in my memory. Forever lost is a kiss, a handshake, an embrace, anything and everything requiring reciprocation. I have become a physical dullard, a stuffed toy, a product of my own unwinding.
Understand that I'm not in my right mind when my Amy ails. Surrogate anything takes its toll on me.
I need to get out more. We do. Travel is my best elixir. Any break in routine, no matter how difficult in the beginning, results in a positive conclusion.
I'd rather live on the road than die in bed. The bigger the distraction, the better I feel.
I hate that I lay around all day doing nothing. I was once relatively useful. Now I rely on others to tend to my needs. Sucks big time.
my good friend. alas, reality does suck! especially when your brain is in overdrive and your body is stuck in park. I really don't know which I would fear, yes FEAR most, having a debilitating physical disease such as yours or to be physically alive and have your mind be mashed potatoes!!! neither right! unfortunately only fate decides who gets to die from what. my brother-in-law George certainly didnt want to pass away brain dead with everyone there to say goodbye to an empty shell. I dont think I have much of a point here, but believe it or not, I think about you every day and wonder why?
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