More of less.
I'm conflicted. The fact is : ALS in itself does not kill. It simply destroys voluntary muscle control, eventually affecting muscle mass and rendering you virtually helpless. With the aid of machinery, you can live for years. What kills you is everything else. Respiratory ailments claim many lives when coupled with a weakened diaphragm and compromised immune system.
I don't have high blood pressure.
My heart rate has been normal.
My blood oxygen is okay.
My blood sugar is decent.
My INR has been stable.
125/85
70 bpm
97%
135
2.2
Numbers have their place, but any agitation on my part can spike them all. I'm walking on the edge of the precipice. My balance is poor and help is wispy. Anything negative is a hand on my back, the other on my shoulder, both to help me to set sail. I don't need that kind of help.
TELL ME SOMETHING GOOD!
Empty gestures and sad eyes are the doctor's modus operendi. I pity the fool. His job is no more than as a caretaker at death's door. Nary a soul saved. I refuse to be just another confirmation of his failure.
This applies to everyone and everything.
I struggle enough just to comfort myself. Don't expect me to dilute my efforts to comfort those who feel sorrow for me, sure that my fight for life is valiant, though immersed in futility.
State of mind. More important than all else. Don't you forget it. I'm stubborn living proof that nothing is impossible to a willing mind. I coined that phrase. Thanks Master Kim.
Don't expect me to go out kicking and screaming. I can't do either. Simply don't expect me to go out.
I'm conflicted. The fact is : ALS in itself does not kill. It simply destroys voluntary muscle control, eventually affecting muscle mass and rendering you virtually helpless. With the aid of machinery, you can live for years. What kills you is everything else. Respiratory ailments claim many lives when coupled with a weakened diaphragm and compromised immune system.
I don't have high blood pressure.
My heart rate has been normal.
My blood oxygen is okay.
My blood sugar is decent.
My INR has been stable.
125/85
70 bpm
97%
135
2.2
Numbers have their place, but any agitation on my part can spike them all. I'm walking on the edge of the precipice. My balance is poor and help is wispy. Anything negative is a hand on my back, the other on my shoulder, both to help me to set sail. I don't need that kind of help.
TELL ME SOMETHING GOOD!
Empty gestures and sad eyes are the doctor's modus operendi. I pity the fool. His job is no more than as a caretaker at death's door. Nary a soul saved. I refuse to be just another confirmation of his failure.
This applies to everyone and everything.
I struggle enough just to comfort myself. Don't expect me to dilute my efforts to comfort those who feel sorrow for me, sure that my fight for life is valiant, though immersed in futility.
State of mind. More important than all else. Don't you forget it. I'm stubborn living proof that nothing is impossible to a willing mind. I coined that phrase. Thanks Master Kim.
Don't expect me to go out kicking and screaming. I can't do either. Simply don't expect me to go out.
You stole that phrase not coined it!! And it's TRUE. Nothing is impossible to a willing mind. Thank you Master Kim.
ReplyDeleteI know you hate to go to the doctors and you have no interest in proving anything to them or anyone else.
I on the other hand need to have a base line for where we are and where we are heading, which is in uncharted territory.
They don't have anyone else that got off their breathing machine, regained their weight and some speech and some movement.
I know you are kicking and screaming on the inside about going. Thanks for pretending it's okay.