To pass the time, I struggle.

Maybe worse than all my physical limitations is the fact that they combine to create an environment conducive to nothing less than a cage surrounding a straight jacket, a device causing me to produce excess saliva attached to another bent on stealing my voice. Any two would be palatable, all together they become monstrous, compressing my chest and panicking my mind. I've had several choking incidents, none fatal, two that may have been close, bringing me to the realization that I could not verbalize ~¨this is it ¨ or ¨good bye¨. All of these restrictions have descended upon me as reality plucked from my imagination, unrestricted and relentless. I am watching from my chair, helpless and dependent. I have descended to watcher status, so I watch- football, basketball, boxing, mma, food channel, movies on tv, at the theater, on netflix....... The rest of my time is divided between watching the boys, rolling around the house, napping, listening to music and  THINKING. Too much time to think. Too much time to ponder. Too much time to wait around to see what happens next.