What is it like to take care of me?
Let's just talk about bed time.
In order to get me in bed, Amy must first spread the satin sheet (for easier sliding of my carcass) upon my bed. Then she folds a cotton sheet and places it across the bed precisely where my butt will land. After bringing my wheelchair close to the side, near the head of the bed, she pulls the spinning disk from beneath and places it under my foot pegs. She then retracts the pegs and lowers the front of the chair until my feet come in contact with the disk. Amy then pulls my upper body forward and removes my shirt. She places my favorite pillow at the spot where my head should plop. Next she reaches under my stinky armpits (she must wash the stank from her forearms several times a day because natural deodorant doesn't work worth a shit) and lifts me to my feet where I lock out my knees and struggle to straighten my back, occasionally successfully, more likely drooling down her back as my head droops over her right shoulder. She then spins me counterclockwise until my back is to the bed, where I slump into a sitting position. With one hand holding me upright, Amy uses the other to navigate my wheelchair out of the way. She then lets loose of me with a little nudge toward my pillow while at the same time grabbing my legs with her free hand and twirling them onto the bed. I am flat on my back and can't breathe well due to the pressure on my lungs, so I suck shallow rapid wisps of air until the motorized hospital bed raises. Amy repositions my pillow and pulls me forward to relieve my chest constriction caused from sitting up.
Now I'm in bed. My eyes are light sensitive so Amy must turn off the fan light immediately. The Dyson table fan must be pivoted toward me. The TV must be pivoted toward me.
Preparing to sleep. I must begin by sleeping on my right side. To acquire this position Amy must first raise the bed rail then use the folded sheet under my ass (yes, I said ass) to pull me to one side. She then crawls on the bed, hooks her left arm between my legs, pulls my right arm clear, hooks her right arm around my shoulder and rolls me. She takes my left hand and inserts it between the bars of the bed side rail where it hangs limp. She forces a second pillow beneath my head. Next, she reaches under me, locates my hip bone, and pulls my body in such way as to spin me into a more comfortable position. She places a pillow under right hand and arm to prevent hyperextension. She places a sheet over me.
That position lasts for about an hour and a half if she's lucky.
I need to be on my back (sort of). In quick order, I need to be rotated, my left arm must be removed from over my chest and gut, my feet must be uncrossed, one of the pillows under my head has got to go and the head must be raised. A pillow must be placed on the right side of my noggin in order to prevent it from lolling and squishing my already sore ear (from being bent over as I lay on my right side). I last in this position about a half hour. Then I must go back on my side. Sometimes I try my left side. Rinse and repeat all night. Sometimes early mornings are better. Oh, once I wake Amy, urgency and anxiety set in like a freight train. Pain comes in a close third.
Also, I wake Amy nearly constantly with an itchy nose, an itchy head, a hair in my mouth, a sore hand, hot feet, a serious need to pee (which takes forever lying down), my pillow pulled down under my head, gut ache, head ache on occasion and sleeplessness.
I'm a handful. The rest is for anotha day.
Let's just talk about bed time.
In order to get me in bed, Amy must first spread the satin sheet (for easier sliding of my carcass) upon my bed. Then she folds a cotton sheet and places it across the bed precisely where my butt will land. After bringing my wheelchair close to the side, near the head of the bed, she pulls the spinning disk from beneath and places it under my foot pegs. She then retracts the pegs and lowers the front of the chair until my feet come in contact with the disk. Amy then pulls my upper body forward and removes my shirt. She places my favorite pillow at the spot where my head should plop. Next she reaches under my stinky armpits (she must wash the stank from her forearms several times a day because natural deodorant doesn't work worth a shit) and lifts me to my feet where I lock out my knees and struggle to straighten my back, occasionally successfully, more likely drooling down her back as my head droops over her right shoulder. She then spins me counterclockwise until my back is to the bed, where I slump into a sitting position. With one hand holding me upright, Amy uses the other to navigate my wheelchair out of the way. She then lets loose of me with a little nudge toward my pillow while at the same time grabbing my legs with her free hand and twirling them onto the bed. I am flat on my back and can't breathe well due to the pressure on my lungs, so I suck shallow rapid wisps of air until the motorized hospital bed raises. Amy repositions my pillow and pulls me forward to relieve my chest constriction caused from sitting up.
Now I'm in bed. My eyes are light sensitive so Amy must turn off the fan light immediately. The Dyson table fan must be pivoted toward me. The TV must be pivoted toward me.
Preparing to sleep. I must begin by sleeping on my right side. To acquire this position Amy must first raise the bed rail then use the folded sheet under my ass (yes, I said ass) to pull me to one side. She then crawls on the bed, hooks her left arm between my legs, pulls my right arm clear, hooks her right arm around my shoulder and rolls me. She takes my left hand and inserts it between the bars of the bed side rail where it hangs limp. She forces a second pillow beneath my head. Next, she reaches under me, locates my hip bone, and pulls my body in such way as to spin me into a more comfortable position. She places a pillow under right hand and arm to prevent hyperextension. She places a sheet over me.
That position lasts for about an hour and a half if she's lucky.
I need to be on my back (sort of). In quick order, I need to be rotated, my left arm must be removed from over my chest and gut, my feet must be uncrossed, one of the pillows under my head has got to go and the head must be raised. A pillow must be placed on the right side of my noggin in order to prevent it from lolling and squishing my already sore ear (from being bent over as I lay on my right side). I last in this position about a half hour. Then I must go back on my side. Sometimes I try my left side. Rinse and repeat all night. Sometimes early mornings are better. Oh, once I wake Amy, urgency and anxiety set in like a freight train. Pain comes in a close third.
Also, I wake Amy nearly constantly with an itchy nose, an itchy head, a hair in my mouth, a sore hand, hot feet, a serious need to pee (which takes forever lying down), my pillow pulled down under my head, gut ache, head ache on occasion and sleeplessness.
I'm a handful. The rest is for anotha day.
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