Today I remain serious. Today I find myself teetering between sorrow and anxiety as my legs are malfunctioning and my mom lies dying in Phoenix. It still perplexes me how easily I can descend from happiness to despair with such despicable aplomb.
It is indeed no small concern that mom is battling for her life. I am a coward for not racing to Arizona, but interlaced throughout the cowardice lurks the legitimate concern that my presence would pose an unwanted distraction due to my unstable condition, possibly worsened by circumstances at hand. My selfish desire is to remember mom from her last visit, and if she recovers from her present battle, I will smother her with jubilant apology. I must rely on the healthier members of my family to support her and Salim in my regrettable absence.
My legs have been acting up evenings for the last several days, locking out and shaking without fail. So far, we cannot figure out why. I fear the worst but continue to believe in lesser evil. I am really sick of being sick.
It is indeed no small concern that mom is battling for her life. I am a coward for not racing to Arizona, but interlaced throughout the cowardice lurks the legitimate concern that my presence would pose an unwanted distraction due to my unstable condition, possibly worsened by circumstances at hand. My selfish desire is to remember mom from her last visit, and if she recovers from her present battle, I will smother her with jubilant apology. I must rely on the healthier members of my family to support her and Salim in my regrettable absence.
My legs have been acting up evenings for the last several days, locking out and shaking without fail. So far, we cannot figure out why. I fear the worst but continue to believe in lesser evil. I am really sick of being sick.
very sorry to hear about your mother. having just lost mine in February I can share your desire to be with her. be strong my friend I think of you every day.
ReplyDeleteHey Tracy, this is Bill Morrow. I have been following your blog from time to time, and I wish you well. I am sure that such a debilitating disease does drive you nuts! I have had my struggles, having been t-boned on my Harley 13 months ago. I returned to work 7 months ago with definite ankle problems-including a plate and 2 screws. I just got word today that I have prostate cancer. It is treatable. I will have it removed. It still does not remove the terror that I feel and that you must also feel. They say that adversity builds character....I am so tired of that, so I really empathize with you. My mom has some health issues too, but for 86 she does pretty well. I know you love your mom, but you must do what is right for you.....Bill
DeleteBill, thanks for the words. Hope you fix your Harley and your ankle, still slappin' a bass?
DeleteI'm so sorry to hear about your mom Tracy, but she may want to see you any way she can get you. I can understand your trepidation though. I hope it's something that can be turned around and that she gets better.
ReplyDelete