I am still here

I try to post often enough to keep readers interested, coughing up sarcastic witticisms or clever diatribes, no doubt to keep a particular audience, while delving into my childhood in order to satiate the balance. I continuously search for a writing element appropriate for an audience category yet to be determined. On any given day I'm likely to loose a few to boredom as I re-gnash conversation and dialog to tell the same story- with attachments. In the end, clever is too weak to carry the day. I write from my head rather than from my heart. I'm working on that.


While I'm somewhat prolific while writing this blog, I fall far short in individual communication. My personal analysis is simple: When I post, my message is directed toward nobody in particular. If I email someone, I have the responsibility to direct myself toward meaningful, personal conversation. I'd much rather imagine than experience. My brainthink is comfortable in one-way narrative while my heartthink remains infantile and fearful of personal contact. Telephone contact is even more complicated by my deteriorating speech patterns. If I get emotional, my articulation takes a dive. I am aware of those who worry about me, I am equally aware that I fail to communicate with too many. This does not mean I fail to acknowledge them all- you all. I certainly miss my old world. My new one is just developing and looks to be bright. ALS does not cause amnesia. I remember everything, everybody. And I long.


I write as if I were addressing a large crowd. I take in everyone without focusing on anyone. I need to be more intimate. I need to focus. I need to listen to my heart and trust what it says. Like I said- I'm working on that.