I find myself focusing on the particulars involved with ALS, how it affects me, my troubles and despairs, my confused battles, resignations, nearly always neglecting the reality that my disease offers me no exclusivity. All around me can be found damages created by my indiscretions, my selfishness. My entire family, my friends live through the atrocities of Gehrig's as I fling my disadvantages like a sword. I am an agent of collateral damage. If I had cancer my surroundings would be equally tainted. Within the territory of family, friends, even acquaintances, ground is parched in concentric circles. The closer you stand, the higher the heat.
I can help. Those who know me well enough are aware that my jib cuts differently. I'm not a typical human being. I can lower my pulse just as the needle pierces my flesh. My blood pressure remains normal in the aftermath of physical trauma. My heart pounded at 130 to 140 beats a minute for 8 hours and didn't blow up. I fall to sleep every night without drugs but with a 7 month old hypnotic suggestion. I don't get infections, even when rusty circular saw blades enter my leg to a depth of 1-1/4 inch. I don't bruise- ever. Despite all my falls I'm pretty sure I have never broken a bone. If I get sick, I'm hit hard for a day and feel fine the next.
No, I am not Superman. Case in point can be illustrated by paying me a visit now. If I were Superman then ALS is likely my Kryptonite. Compared to last year I'd be better identified as Superfatman. My muscle tone has become tone deaf. Despite my physical changes my mental strength remains stubbornly intact. I have my moments but by and large I can hold it together.
I need to make it clear that it is my wish- Not my dying wish. I done wore that one out- that those of you who worry about me spend more time helping me make light of this whole mess. If my only contribution to the world is this blog, and if despair leaks from my posts, then I'm doing a pretty lousy job of making Earth a better place. I'd hate to think so many suffer through my content simply to get a taste of my whacked out writing style.
Finally, I needn't inform you that I have managed to load ALL the responsibility of life, for me, on Amy, on Rachel, on Sarah, on Nick, on Tim....... hell, I'm an equal opportunity delegator- on you all. Strum a heart string for them. Play a harp for yourselves. Alone, I would have been long ago lost. With them, you.... I have a GPS in every pocket.
I can help. Those who know me well enough are aware that my jib cuts differently. I'm not a typical human being. I can lower my pulse just as the needle pierces my flesh. My blood pressure remains normal in the aftermath of physical trauma. My heart pounded at 130 to 140 beats a minute for 8 hours and didn't blow up. I fall to sleep every night without drugs but with a 7 month old hypnotic suggestion. I don't get infections, even when rusty circular saw blades enter my leg to a depth of 1-1/4 inch. I don't bruise- ever. Despite all my falls I'm pretty sure I have never broken a bone. If I get sick, I'm hit hard for a day and feel fine the next.
No, I am not Superman. Case in point can be illustrated by paying me a visit now. If I were Superman then ALS is likely my Kryptonite. Compared to last year I'd be better identified as Superfatman. My muscle tone has become tone deaf. Despite my physical changes my mental strength remains stubbornly intact. I have my moments but by and large I can hold it together.
I need to make it clear that it is my wish- Not my dying wish. I done wore that one out- that those of you who worry about me spend more time helping me make light of this whole mess. If my only contribution to the world is this blog, and if despair leaks from my posts, then I'm doing a pretty lousy job of making Earth a better place. I'd hate to think so many suffer through my content simply to get a taste of my whacked out writing style.
Finally, I needn't inform you that I have managed to load ALL the responsibility of life, for me, on Amy, on Rachel, on Sarah, on Nick, on Tim....... hell, I'm an equal opportunity delegator- on you all. Strum a heart string for them. Play a harp for yourselves. Alone, I would have been long ago lost. With them, you.... I have a GPS in every pocket.
I love hot weather,100 and above.so bring it on,if I get a little burned,so be it! I think you personally have made me a BETTER person since your illness. I guess that is a selfish thing for me to say,but it is what it is.
ReplyDeleteHoping you have a blessed day today:) ~ Judy
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