Home Depot street cred

I could go on and on about those who have helped me - and I should and will - but today I'm going to focus on some selfless innovators at my new go-to destination : Home Depot.

Amy has had an ongoing problem with my cup holder. I can no longer suck from an eighteen inch straw. She has tried several options, none of which have worked, to get the cup close enough to my face for me to use a normal straw. Upon a visit to Home Depot with the idea that she would not leave until she could come up with a viable solution, she told an employee (I'd give names if I didn't have to rely on this pesky eyegaze technology) who simply said "We can do that". They did it. I find it as creativity laced with kindness punctuated by empathy. They even produced a birthday cake and sang to me.

Hopefully Rachel can provide a picture of my new articulating cup holder. It is both clever and functional. I thank the guys at Home Depot for making our lives easier.

Now to get used to drinking Stella Artois with a straw!

*Amy's version of events:
You all know how I LOVE a hardware store. Now I REALLY Love these guys at Home Depot! For Tracy's birthday I was going to create a movable cup holder to make it easier for him to drink. Cue Mission Impossible music-I sneak out of the house with some silly excuse of needing avocados or some nonsense. I race to Home Depot with an idea-ish of what I need but can't find on the internet. I walk in the front door and instantly Kerry asks if I need help. I can't find a short way to ask for parts for a project to create something that doesn't actually exist yet. Within seconds he smiles and says we can do that. I'm confused. (I know, I know- usual state). He calls Randy Jackson over to discuss possibilities. With confidence and a smile they say- we've got this. I am still a bit lost as to why they aren't dragging me around the store selling me buckets of bolts and tools. They say- when do you need this? I say- Tracy's birthday about a week. They say- okay. Send us pictures of the wheelchair. I say- you mean YOU are going to make this for us? They say yep. Glad to do it. I am thrilled! I wonder if it will cost both my arms or an arm and a leg or? At this point I am just thrilled it will get done! The big day comes (Tracy's birthday) and I take him to Home Depot with some silly excuse of having to get light bulbs (no I'm not good at lying). Not only did they have a great design for a movable, removable cup holder WITH water bottle for Tracy FOR FREE, they had a birthday cake for him and had the employees gather together in the break room to sing to him!!! What a wonderful surprise! They said they just want to be able to help the community. What a gift they are. Yes, I will be going to Home Depot for all our projects big and small. 

I'm unconventional

We are soon to begin a journey into the world of........

I'm soon to rid myself of the last remnants of modern pharmacutical Poison.......

The road less travelled leads to tropical rainforest greenery.......

Conventional means are exhausted......

If not now, never......

I will be trippin'.......

Bob Marley be confused.......

The cows may crow.....

      Got you guessing yet? Worried? In my position, which is approaching morbidly static, fresh underwear is as rare as fresh ideas. Don't fret, if it works I'll let you know. If it doesn't, you'll know.

Between us, a couple of nuts. I plan to keep it that way.

New Zealand 2011

New Zealand 2011

I can't believe it's been three and a half years since Rachel took me there. Hopefully she can caption all of the pictures and explain the moo cow video. Rachel, give them it all!

New Zealand: Aptly named Aoteoroa- Land of the Long White Cloud

On top of the Franz Joseph glacier via helicopter ride.

At the Wai-O-Tapu Thermal Wonderland.  Yes, the water is actually that color green.

A beautiful beach on the side of the road- yes, please!

A little Maori cultural evening.

It was a bit off the beaten path, but a pretty diversion!

Wanaka's Puzzling World

That's a lot of water flowing past. 

No shortage of waterfalls here!

That would be the same glacial water runoff I made Amy and Poppo walk through when they visited almost ten years previous. Hee hee.

 

Such a variety of views for such a small country.

We can't forget our trip to the Auckland Zoo!

 *Rachel's voice: Had some difficulties adding the moo-video, but perhaps it will show up on Facebook later...  In advance, I apologize about the poor videoing skills- I was laughing too hard to do a good job.
And I can't forget to send out a heartfelt thank you to my good friend Raed and his beautiful family for hosting and helping us in Auckland.  I may not see you often, but you are always in my heart and in my prayers.  Thank you, my friend.

It was a great trip, dadda.  I am glad you had fun.  I know I sure did!  And I'm with you- I can't believe it's been 3.5 years already!  Love you.

Memphis funny

Memphis funny.

Visiting Memphis during the International Blues Challenge while committed to a four hundred pound wheelchair and an equally committed wife and caregiver, tasked with gaining access to a dozen clubs packed to the rafters with human activity requires vast imagination and huge testicles and an even huger bladder, neither of which I possess. I'm sure Amy's bladder is larger than her symbolic balls, but not nearly as big as her heart. Of course, since she can empty it freely, unlike myself, her problem lies with my constrained biology.

Have you ever heard of a Motorman's Friend or a Stadium Pal?

Let me explain the physics to those of you who continue reading.

A (smallish) condom-like thingy is (you know) installed (you know) and a hose is attached thereupon, running it's course down my left leg to a 300ml plastic bag Velcro strapped to my calf, all assembly neatly tucked beneath my trousers and boxers. The only real difference between this and a catheter is the painful insertion of a tube designed to perforate the bladder and allow the free flow of urine without control compared to using pure willpower to pee your pants. I definitely prefer the latter, no matter how difficult.

The first night out things went smoothly and so did I. Twice. Filled it up. To anyone who saw me staring into space, eyes half closed and mouth half open just know that it is all okay.
I'd not thought that a warm sensation tracking down my thigh and pooling at my calf could be so erotically splendid.

The next night was oh so much more interesting.

Rum Boogey. Crowded behind the judges and under the stairs.

No room for Amy except on my lap. Yup. She nestled there for hours. Then it happened. I slacked my jaw, lidded my eyes at half mast, imagined myself a cow astride a flat rock and let go.

I knew something was not right and with all my effort I locked down my hydraulics, certain to have broken at least one law of Thermodynamics. The warm sensation was creeping down the channel of my ass. I knew this to be all ways not good. For an instant I rationalized that most people expected this of drooling quadriplegics.

Amy was spared the moisture. I had trouble communicating with her but managed to signal pain in my groin area and she managed to get a handful of the REAL issue.

Normally I would sit in my own pee if it meant keeping my seat. This was no exception. Later we plugged back in and I finished up. Amy steered clear of my lap.

I'm amazed at how fast urine goes cold.

Time to....

This will work out, permitting you to read it, or not, allowing you to remain clueless as to its very existence.

It is time to assess.

Let me go chronological on you.

Two years ago vs today.

Two years back I had an extensive swallow test. The test results, coupled with observances of a pair of specialists, concluded that the only way for me to take in sustenance was in the form of thickened liquid by way of a spoon. Never was I to use a straw or drink from a cup or eat any food with texture. If they could've mandated a feeding tube I'd've never escaped the hospital without a hole drilled through to my gut. On the advice of my neurologist (who never visited or called the hospital), we scheduled a gut plug (don't play with my verbiage), to be bored the following week. I opted out on the last day possible. Good thing. Because of my diabetes and my swallowing problems I refused to eat (and I use the term as loosely as the food was identified as such) or drink doctored product, and consequently relied on IV administration of fluids. If some of this doesn't make sense it was meant not to. I need a certain amount of cognitive slip in order to maintain the requisite definition of illness as prescribed by my neurologist just in case he were to travel through the worm hole to reality and fucking read the blog of somebody who can tell him exactly what is going on with us. Namely me. Unless I show up at clinic he couldn't care less about my condition, and when I do, it is an exercise in confirmation of his expertise as he checks off unimportant and speaks in the second person while I'm in the room without any interest whatsoever what goes on in my mind. I don't have a clue as to how to educate him on the core failings of his community and he hasn't a clue how far off the mark his exists.

Major segue.

Back to chronology.

Spin to now.

I don't have the tube. I'm not diabetic. I don't drink thickened liquid. I eat regular food with caution. I'm apt to use a straw. It's been a year since I last went to clinic. It's been a year since I've heard from my neurologist.

While some things are heading down hill, others give me hope. The further from the naysayers I go, the more hope dominates my thoughts and the better I feel.

It

Until my eyes work this IS it